There are only 3 TV shows that I Tivo: House, Top Chef and The Biggest Loser. I love these shows. Love them. I’m using the word love, about these shows. I watch them, think about them, so I figured I should blog about at least one of them.
Bobbybigwheel (@Bobby_BigWheel, twitter) already does an awesome job with his Top Chef recap blog and while I love House I thought The Biggest Loser would be infinitely more fun to blog about. So while I know I’m starting at Week 3, I figure the only people who would find it interesting to read something like this would be the same people who would already be watching something like this. Feel free to send comments, like/hate mail to me on twitter, @Elliott425 or here.
Anyway so here goes:
We begin Week 3 after everyone was able to stay around after Week 2….nobody was sent home. It was kind of boring from an entertainment standpoint, especially since it became pretty clear early on that they would be able to stay home.
The Biggest Loser producers seemed to have recognized this and have upped the ante immediately. Temptations and advantages are up for grabs in week 3, according to a very vivacious looking Alison Sweeney.
Alison tells us that they can choose to have a 2-pound advantage or the use of their trainers in Week 3. This group has clearly watched the other seasons and isn’t as quick to pull the trigger in a temptation. Alison threatens to up the stakes if no one takes the deal, so Tracey decides to take the deal much to her partner Coach Mo’s dismay.
Everyone gasps and oohs and ahhs after Tracey does this, as if someone eventually wasn’t going to do it anyway. I am kinda shocked that she did it for two pounds though….seems like a small number of pounds to risk not having the trainers Bob or Jillian, but whatever.
Sean, a younger-looking contestant who looks like he has a bad combover, is surprised as well: “I don’t want to say ‘What are you doing you crazy woman, but what are you doing YOU CRAZY WOMAN!’” Well said, since we’re only at the tip of the iceberg of finding out that Tracey is fucking crazy.
Bob and Jillian, surprise, surprise, are upset and disgusted that somebody would choose to do this. They act this way every time someone takes a temptation to help themselves win the game. I’d say it bothers me, but it doesn’t because I actually enjoy watching Bob and Jillian yell at the contestants. Does this make me sadistic?.. or is it masochistic…I always confuse them.
So Bob and Jillian talk with Tracey about why she did it. Stress of the game, blah blah, blah. Tracey begins to reveal just how crazy she is by saying “part of her is telling her to do the game stuff” which wouldn’t be too weird if she didn’t demonstrate it with a talking hand. I should also tell you that Tracey’s the one who missed most of the first two weeks of the show because after running/walking ONE MILE she collapsed and appeared to be actually dying on TV, resulting in her having to be hospitalized for the better part of 10 days. It was terrible and I felt awful for her, however I should remind you that this happened because she walked/ran ONE MILE. Sometimes its hard to realize how grossly out of shape these people are.
Quick aside: That Halls commercial with the college roommate and the roommate’s mom is my favorite commercial right now. Well done Halls advertising, well done.
Anyway, Abby finds out she can’t do land-base training because of a stress fracture in her tibia. Pretty tough stuff, but Abby is tough herself. She’s the one who made me cry during Week 1 when she told her story about losing her husband and two small children in a car crash. So she easily is the sentimental favorite here. She talks to Bob about the tibia thing and he says she needs to be “on point” with her diet and then begins one of The Biggest Loser’s in-show commercials for Yoplait.
Nobody does product placement like The Biggest Loser. I mean it is a full out fuckfest with Yoplait, down to Abby saying “This is absolutely delicious” after taking a bite. I mean I like Yoplait yogurt too, but wtf.
So next thing we know we have another temptation where the contestants are placed in cubicles type thingies where they can’t see the other contestants and are given cupcakes. Whoever eats the most cupcakes gets to control the weigh-in and pick who weighs in for the team or something like that. I don’t quite get it at the time, but it’ll make more sense at the weigh-in.
Oh and I know this isn’t chronological (I’m bad at this recap thing) but before it’s revealed that the temptation is cupcakes under the metal tray Shay tells us ”Please do not let there be fettucine alfredo underneath there.” Apparently fettucine alfredo was part of Shay’s downfall to 476 pounds. I like Shay. Grandma Liz for some reason is rooting for catfish underneath the tray. Weird.
Nobody eats anything except for Tracey (I know, right) and Antoine, who thought he could sneak the advantage by having 2 cupcakes. Everyone else remains stoic, even though Sean tells us “I wanna rub these cupcakes all over my body.” Did I mention I love Sean.
Ok, well Tracey is fucking nuts. She eats four and wins, even though she had this long talk with Bob and Jillian right before this about not worrying about the game and focusing on just weight loss. Whatever, Tracey does what she wants and makes good TV in the process.
Ok, so say it with me, the trainers are very disappointed. Jillian looks like she’s going to go ballistic and says she thinks she may throttle Tracey. Love the reaction face from Tracey like wha???
Jillian comes to the same conclusion that we all have made at this point that Tracey is bananas. It’s cool because Jillian says the word ‘bananas’ and then spells it out just like Gwen Stefani did five years ago. Did I mention I love Jillian. Tracey’s ass is grass and Jillian’s the lawnmower.
Bob’s not too happy either and he tells us that “game-players are the ones who get fat again. I’m sorry.” I’m not Bob. That was awesome and also something they should tell little leaguers everywhere.
Up next for the fattestants, a challenge. The winner of today’s challenge, wins immunity. Each team has to take 500 pounds to the top of a ramp in short 5 pound increments or long 25 pound increments. It makes sense if you watched the fucking show.
The people that chose the 5-pound increments seem to be doing a lot better and Allen the firefighter is kicking ass. How did a firefighter get so fat in the first place should really be the question here? Allen wins immunity. Allen isn’t actually that fat, and I pick him to win most of the physical challenges.
Aside: For some reason, I enjoy eating while watching The Biggest Loser. Although I must say I work out harder in the gym on days after watching it.
Last chance workout!!! Pretty Amanda sets up some Biggest Loser foreshadowing by saying she doesn’t think Tracey will pick her for the weigh-in since they’re good friends. Hmmm…think Amanda is going to go to the weigh-in? Me too.
Bob beats the shit out of Amanda on the treadmill. For the record, don’t tell Bob you can’t do something. Seriously, it pisses him off.
Honestly though, these trainers do work these guys out pretty hard. I don’t know if any of you guys do any work on treadmills, but Bob has Amanda run at an 8.5 for 30 seconds. Now 30 seconds is a short amount of time, but 8.5 is pretty fast. I usually run longer distances on the treadmill, but I hardly every go over 7.5.
Ok, best weigh-in ever. Yelling, bitching and complaining going on by trainers and contestants. Fuck yeah.
Surprise, Tracey picks Amanda to weigh in (remember the foreshadowing, man am I a genius or what). Of course, The Biggest Loser isn’t exactly the M. Night Shyamalan of hidden foreshadowing. But Amanda shows up big, or would it be small, and loses enough pounds to stay above the dreaded yellow line.
Pretty much everyone hates Tracey, including yours truly. Bitch missed the first week and a half and still can’t really do shit as far as working out and you think you can run this fat camp…..aw hells no. But she still has the power in this weigh-in. Methinks Tracey will be voted off ASAP if the other contestants ever get a chance.
At the end Tracey needs to lose at least 2 pounds and she’s “as good as gravy” as she puts it. Bad analogy for a fat camp, but she kills it (to quote TJ Lavin) and loses 11 pounds, albeit to no applause. Tracey is less popular than myspace at this point.
The teams that are below the yellow line are Shay and Daniel (orange team) and Antoine and Sean (red team). It sucks because I like all of these contestants. Sean and Antoine are two of the most likeable guys on the show and Daniel and Shay are the most inspiring. Lots of tears by the contestants. Good television NBC, good freakin’ television.
Antoine and Sean pretty much tell everyone to vote them off since it’s apparent that Shay and Daniel need to stay at camp.
Things pretty much play out as expected with Antoine and Sean being sent home. It’s a shame and Tracey has put herself on my shitlist, not to mention the rest of these contestants.
The Sean and Antoine how-they-fare-after-the-show thingie was nice. Sean’s a youth pastor, totally fits with his personality and has dropped over 100 pounds. Antoine’s been kicking ass and taking names and has also dropped over 100 pounds. He actually looks pretty jacked in the arms and shoulders and has presumably lost the biggest man-boobs from the show.
Antoine is also now dating Alexandra, the chubby cutie who was kicked off after Week 1.
That’s it for Week 3. A pretty entertaining week if I do say so myself. Week 4 looks pretty promising with the teases. Let’s just say I’m rooting for Tracey to lose at everything from this point on.
Ok, who wants to order a pizza????
